it wasn't lemon gatorade
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
