I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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