saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
