I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
