I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
