Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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