girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
