Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
