According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
