I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
