Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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