apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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