I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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