and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
