I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
