When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
