It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
