apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
