You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
