We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
