i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
