On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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