508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
