none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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