I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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