420 ftw
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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