someone threw a dead crab at me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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