I got chris browned last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
