she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
pop tarts are not kleenex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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