Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize