I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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