Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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