just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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