I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
