Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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