You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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