Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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