his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
