I cockslap morals
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
