I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
