omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
