We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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