The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
