Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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