i'm signing you up for texting rehab
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
