So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is my gift to your gina
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
