I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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