Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
