We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
