I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
