Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
