I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
