By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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