perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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