come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
