Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Less talking, more tequila
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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