I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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