Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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