im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
