I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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