I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
